My heart drops, my mind unexplainable.
In which I see is repetition.
What once I had known, I had struggled to retrieve.
But now I realize, it will never come to be.
A circle of thoughts, a few more added along the way.
Slowly building up, they begin to form decay.
Destroying myself and ones who are close.
It hasn’t any mercy.
I can only watch as people come and go.
I had wondered why they had done so.
Now I know.
They say one must understand themselves
I’m afraid I already know it is impossible.
I feel nothing, yet I feel everything.
Creativity and Motivation I once had, I now lack.16
Now I am afraid that I may never get either traits, back.
I want to be free of myself, I long for a state of content.
Taking pharmaceuticals constantly, hoping to achieve something.
So far I’ve reached nothing but discontent and a loop in my reality.
I trust no one, I cannot due to things you’d rather not hear.
I know, because I wouldn’t want too either.
But constantly I hear them, looping through my mind like a record.
This one even has rewind.
In and out, this is all there is. Emotions spinning endlessly, in every direction but up.
No one will understand someone who does not understand themselves.
So save your empathy. This is something you’ll not relate.
This is a void. I’ll never return to whom I once was.
Lifeless, yet alive. I wonder how I survive.
I don’t even have the strength, to want to stop.
There’s no solution to this problem that has been built for over 21 years.
My mind continues its search, hoping that one day I will find it.
Everything else, pitched in with it.
They all form,
- Joe Riccio